I'm a 47 year-old man with a heart condition and Friday, 19 June 2009, in my doctor's office I weighed 487 lbs.

Not good. Pretty bad, actually. If I don't lose my excess weight soon, I will die. I doubt I'd see age 50. As it is, I'm functionally disabled. I can barely climb stairs, I can't fit into airline or stadium seats or in standard width chairs with arms. I'm too heavy to sit on plastic chairs. I can't fit well on standard-sized toilet seats or at all in airplane or RV bathrooms. I have severe sleep apnea and even with a BiPAP breathing machine I'm still sleep-deprived. I'm too big even for a lot of the big-and-tall men's clothes I have to wear. I can barely fit behind the steering wheel of a car, much less a European car.

I want to live. There are some...hmmm, not sure how to describe them...beliefs I hold that make choosing to live more difficult than it would seem to be. For years I was suicidal and only recently was I diagnosed as clinically depressed. The stress of a first-time marriage and instant step-fatherhood, plus career change, plus this, that, and other things, all served to dogpile on me. I didn't know how to handle them, so I pancaked.

I'm VERY happy to report there's light at the end of the tunnel and it's not an oncoming train. I'm in counseling now (talk therapy) and it has done wonders to yank my head out of my butt. I haven't needed psych meds, either! Yay!

I'm going thru pre-operative testing for bariatric surgery (x-rays, stomach ultrasound, heart catheterization, EKG stress test, blood work, dietary counseling, psychological counseling, et al.)

I have no alibi or excuse for my obesity. In later posts I'll thresh out the reasons for my obesity, suffice to say none of them are medical.

This blog serves to chronicle my progress to lose 250 pounds, however long it takes.

What am I doing now to lose weight?

I'm on a very restricted eating program. Essentially, it's a liquid diet of protein shakes, clear and non-/low fat soups, non-fat yogurt, some fruit juices and non-calorie fluids.

I started this diet Monday. The first two days were painful. I was frequently nauseous and dry retched quite a bit as my stomach adjusted to the much smaller amount of input. I REALLY hated that part.

More to come today, just taking a break.